A touchy subject.

What would you want done to save/extend your life it you were to end up in a situation where you were unable to talk or speak for yourself? Would you want to be resuscitated? Would you want a machine to breathe or pump blood for you? Would you want liquefied food forced into your stomach by a tube down your throat? Would you want a stranger's blood put into your veins? We all know this is a touchy subject, but it is one that must be discussed. Yes, it's a difficult conversation to have, but such an important one. My grandmother is in a skilled nursing facility. Her little 68 lb body is failing her. Her vitals are good one day and terrible the next. I get phone calls on a daily basis from doctors and nurses updating me on her status. And the questions are rolling in one by one....should they do a blood transfusion, hook up oxygen, etc. etc. My grandparents were wise and prepared Advance Care Directives....yes, it was a blessing they did this. We know what their wishes are and how to carry them out. But there are details that need to be sorted out regardless. Do not resuscitate...that is a specific request. But what about oxygen? Blood transfusion? Feeding tube? They are difficult decisions to be made, it has not been easy at all. On the one hand, she is feisty...a fighter. But on the other hand, she is frail, 98 years old and has lost her will to live. I have the peace of mind knowing my husband and I have had these discussions...there isn't much doubt to what either of us would want if we were in this situation. My dear Auntie who passed away in June had discussed not wanting life support at dinner the night she ended up in the hospital unconscious. What a comfort for her family to decide what to do when given the difficult decision to make about whether or not to keep her on life support. It's almost as if she knew something might be happening to her. Eerie, but a blessing in disguise. I suppose this is similar to the debate of when life begins, as far as being for or against abortion. What constitutes as life support? We all need oxygen, nutrients, water...but what about pain relief? My main concern is that my grandmother is not in pain. She tells us she is not (when she is coherent). That brings me peace. For myself, I would want to go when it's my time, without machines and tubes, but in comfort and peace. And yes, I need to put this all in writing (like here on my blog) and I have expressed these wishes. My advice to my friends is to discuss this....death is a part of life, it's inevitable. But shouldn't we be able to direct those we love in a way to fulfill our last wishes? Like pre-planning a funeral, or at least discussing with someone what you want done with your body/remains.And it is best to have it put in writing so those we leave behind are not in doubt.  Maybe the years of working in the funeral industry has "hardened" me off on the subject of death and dying, but it's easier to enjoy life and living knowing your wishes are known and will be carried out. And knowing it will be easier for the ones we leave behind to cope and recover from the loss of someone they loved. And that is my wish for all who read, my friends, family and even strangers who take the time to read my thoughts...discuss your wishes :)

Know the difference between your boat and yourself.

I was listening to public radio. They were discussing the impact of this “down economy” on individuals. One women called in to say she had been laid off. She had been working 24/7 juggling kids, house and work. She had been dealing with cell phones and emails and was constantly on call.

She said that after loosing her job, everything stopped. She felt dead.

In our society, when someone asks who you are we usually respond by telling them what we do. When you loose your job you loose your identity. On this river of life, it is important to know the difference between you and your boat.

When your boat sinks, swim for shore, build another boat and continue your journey. Take time to rest and relax then climb to a high point. Survey the river, check out where you’ve been and then decide where you are going and cast off.

Be sure you can tell people who you are and what you do. Don’t make a book out of it. Tell them in 30 seconds. Since I retired 20 years ago, I’ve been on my own. I tell people I’m a forester, a conservationist and a story teller. If they want to know more, I’m a photographer, videographer and writer. In my work, I try to help people understand each other and their relationship to our environment.

I know who I am and what I am trying to accomplish. The water may be cold and getting dumped out of your boat can be a shock. Don't drown. Don’t let loosing a job take you identity. Set your course for a higher goal. You may even find you enjoy captaining you own ship.

Bill
http://web.me.com/kumuwaiwai

Your financial ark

Noah’s Ark can teach us some things about weathering the current financial turmoil.

Noah had to plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. Yes, we know it'll be raining in 2009. Pouring hard. But the real storm is within you. So is your ark. Noah had to plan ahead. So do you. You cannot worry about the money you have already lost. Plan ahead, budget, save. Cut expenses. Build your ark. It's never too late. The river doesn’t stop flowing just because your in trouble.

Don't listen to critics, just get on with what needs to be done Only one in three Americans were building their retirement ark before the credit crunch. Most have less than $15,000 savings. Most ignored the coming flood, laughing at ark-builders for wasting their money. Don't listen, do what's right.

Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by pros. The Pros: Wall Street, Corporate America, Washington, Cable anchors, White House, Congress, SEC, the Fed. They are the best and the brightest marketing gurus, but they lost billions. Listen to their happy talk ... and you'll sink in the flood. You know what's best for you. Trust your inner voice. You cannot trust anyone but your self. If you are going to invest in the market understand how to take advantage of trends and market indicators. If you don’t know what you are doing, put your money under the mattress.

Two heads are better than one. Remember, "they boarded in twos." You're not alone. Find a mentor. My marketing mentor told me a year before the market went bust that we where entering a bear cycle. He spotted the market break in October and told me to short into rallies. Those who followed his advice made a lot of money while others lost everything. Buy and hold is not good advice. It makes no sense to hold in a down market.

Most people don’t captain their financial boat. They just follow a captain who doesn’t care what happens to them. For those who held, it will take the better part of 10 years to get back to where they were in October. My mentor doesn’t tell me what to buy and sell. He tells me why he thinks a particular transaction has potential. The responsibility for setting my course is mine.

Think long-term, if you’ve built a good ark you will survive the rapids

Build your future on a solid boat. Set goals, figure out what you have to do to reach your goals. Many people are of course and scared to death. The are frozen by fear. Successful people start now and build for the future. Savings and education can help you set your course, but don’t wait for better times. Take advantage of today’s opportunities Today's recession is a great time to rethink your goals. Just do it.

Don't miss the boat, the a good ark will keep you from sinking. Action now. Yes, the market's below last year's peak, even below the 2000 dot-com peak. Make sure you know what you are doing. Look for opportunities. The market will recover. Houses that where valued at $750K in October are selling for $30K today. Steady your ark. Recoveries happen too.

Don't forget, we're all facing a wild financial ride. How well we survive depends on how well we outfitted our arch. America is a great land of opportunity, even in a bear-recession. If you kept your credit cards under control, if you’ve saved and invested soundly, your ark is in good shape. If you are in trouble trim your sail, batten your hatches and ride out the storm. When you have a chance, throw a lifeline to someone who is in more trouble than you.

Speed isn't always an advantage. Arks are made to weather the storm. They are not made for speed.

Woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than the storm outside. Attitude is the key to success, it's an inside job folks. Successful investing does not depend on a "positive mental attitude." It begins with knowing what you are doing and having the confidence to do it. Remember, you job in a recession is to protect your resources.

When you're stressed out, take a time out. Turn within. Listen to the still small voice. Pray. Meditate. Exercise. Go for a walk. Take a break. Call an old friend, kibitz. Help someone who is worse off. Answers come when you give your subconscious a chance to work for you.

Sometimes a force bigger than you takes control and guides you through the rapids. If you are frantically trying to steer, you are not going to be listening.

Sometimes, you just have to look for the rainbow in the storm and steer for it.

The Power of Indirect Action

Rule 14 The Power of Indirect Effort

Have you ever noticed that when you argue with people the argue back, when your fight the other guy fights back. When you hate, you are hated. But, when you love you are likely to be loved. You cannot teach you kids to be honest if you lie to them.

When one of my children was very young they stole some candy from the store. My wife has an eagle eye. She made them take it back and apologize to the store owner. Then she had them work off the debt.

My son taught me about unconditional love. Love should be given with no strings attached. Simply encourage people to be all they can be. That doesn’t mean you give an alcoholic a drink when he wants one. I does mean you give them love and respect and encourage them to come clean.

Sometimes, a person doesn’t respond. An abusive husband is domineering and violent because of his need to be in control. If you are in such a situation, it is time for you to cut you boat free and plot your own course.

Don’t try to do it on your own. Look for support. A mentor can help you plot your best course. Find some one you admire and respect who has achieved what you want to achieve. Finding a mentor may be as simple as asking for help.

One last thing, live in the moment but plan for the future. Don’t get upset if things don’t go as expected. Accept the challenge of the river. If you capsize your kayak you are going to get wet, but if you know how to do an Eskimo roll, you are going to come back up on top.

To often, we value our selves by what we do. When we loose a job, it can be devastating not only financially, but psychologically. The toughest job you will ever have is looking for a job. Remember, you are never a failure until you quit trying.

The present recession headed for depression has everyone scared. Our houses are loosing value and our retirement funds have lost half their value. People worry that they may loose their jobs. Many already have.

Many people believe in the great, independent, self sufficient American. It is the idea of everyone for themselves. Such people have never experienced being a single mom struggling to feed her children on a minimum wage job.

Many street people in Hawaii hold full time jobs, but they have to live in their cars because they cannot afford $1000 a month for a studio apartment. They join a gym so they can clean up and go to work. People who are hurting and cannot help themselves need help. Who is going to do it? Charities are struggling and failing to provide services. The only organization that can provide consistent help is our government. People who arbitrarily oppose “big government” simply want fewer services. Sure, welfare has its problems, because people tend to depend on it, but we must provide help for those who cannot help themselves. At the same time, we must help those people learn the skills needed for them to become independent.

Obama is right. Create jobs by repairing much needed infrastructure; help people go back to school and providing help to people who cannot survive without help. Otherwise, this country will descend into chaos and only a fortunate minority will be able to live the good life.

We must each take responsibility for our own life, but we also must make sure that our neighbors in trouble have the help they need.

The Power of Persuation

Captains Chart Courses for Their Reasons, Not Yours

Remember, when you work for someone else, you work for their goals not yours.

Some people are lucky enough to hook their boats together when they have a similar course in mind. For many people who hate their jobs, it is because they hooked up to a boat that is pulling them where they don’t want to go.

Some bosses push and others pull. Pushers tell you what to do and when to do it. Most people resent being told what to do. Pushers can build a tight organization, but they won't have happy people. Employees who work for them, work reluctantly.

Bosses who pull their team together do it by selling their goals. They convince their employees that what they're doing is important. They lead by example.

It is strange, but most people do not know how to sell their goals to others. Common methods of motivation include criticizing, complaining, condemning, advising, demanding, manipulating, arguing, defending, and threatening. None of these things do anything more than alienate others.

Even a logical argument may not be effective, because many people make their decisions based on their gut and not on their head.

People are all different and what motivates one will fail was another. You’ve probably all heard of the hierarchy of needs. If you're being threatened, nothing but survival will motivate you. Many people in this world scratch for enough to eat and drink. Their life depends on finding food and water. You can't talk to them about conserving wildlife before they have adequate food and shelter.

Persuasion requires agreement, and you cannot force an agreement. As a sales person, I was taught to ask leading questions. If I got 20 “Yes” answers during the presentation, I knew I was going to close the sale. When you try to persuade the first step is to get agreement on the desired outcome. The only way to be sure their job is on track as to clearly define the standards and guidelines for the successful job. Next you have to make sure that your boat is well outfitted. If you're in the middle of the river and you don't have a oar, you're going to be in trouble. Make sure the rewards and consequences are clear and give them time to practice. Once they have mastered the work, get out of the way and let them do their job.

How can you get someone to agree with you? Ask questions. Our founding fathers asked, “What do you think of taxes without representation? What happens when the king's soldiers take over your home? How will you react when the king takes away your weapons?

In sales, we learned to ask open ended question. An open-ended question cannot be answered yes or no. An open-ended question leads to a conversation. An open ended question usually begins with who, what, when, where, why or how. The close comes when you asked a confirming question. The salesperson will ask, “We have compared the Perfect vacuum cleaner with your vac, and you've seen how much more dirt the Perfect pulls. We know you want to clean house, don't you agree that the Perfect is far better than anything you've ever seen?”

The confirming question is a powerful close.

When you want to persuade you first have to build trust. Then you have to gain their attention. You're never going to be able to make a sale during the Super Bowl. Use questions to understand what people want and desire. Confirm, clarify and agree upon a desired outcome. If you try to sell the world's fastest speed boat to someone who wants to sail around the world, you will not make the sale. Look for areas of agreement. The salesperson had to convince his clients that their vacuum was junk before he had any chance of closing the sale.

Don't tell people what they all ready know. I taught a course in video production to elementary school kids. I assumed they had had no experience, but I quickly learned that they were producing a major documentary for their school and a few of them even had video editing equipment at home. I had to supplement what they already knew..

Don't be afraid to close more than once. Advertisers repeat their message over and over for a very good reason. People generally have to be exposed to the sales pitch at least five times before they'll take action. Once you've achieved an agreement, be sure to follow up. Why do you think your local grocery store sends you all those ads for special prices?

People are always complaining that the river is unfair, but that's simply not true. The river doesn't even know you're there. Stop complaining about the river and learn to steer your course to take advantage of the current.

Learn to speak you boss's language

If you want your crew to listen, learn to speak their language.

I used to teach management principles to state employees. One day as the class was winding down, a gentlemen came up to me and asked, “Do you really believe that stuff?” I told him yes, and I was speaking the truth. It was only later that I learned how wrong I was.

One of the principles I taught was that you define your goals, break those goals down into measurable steps, and check regularly to make sure you are still on course. Then adjust your course before you got too far off track.

To do this, I always tried to make sure I understood my boss’s goals. Then, I would break those goals down into the steps I needed to take in order to accomplish them. In order to make sure I stayed on track I let my boss know what I was doing. It works fine, as long as my boss is understood what I was trying to do.

I was promoted and assigned to new boss. After I made my first report to him, he wrote me a letter of reprimand, telling me that I worked for him, I would not tell him what to do and he would give me daily assignments. He expected them to be carried out to the letter.

I went to him and told him I needed his guidance and was not trying to tell him what to do. I was simply trying to keep him informed as to what I was doing so he could make sure that I was on course. He told me that because of the workload we could only respond to the demands of the job and repeated that I was not to take any initiative but was to do exactly what he told me.

Now it's true that the crew must follow orders, but it is hard to work for a man who doesn't set a course. I like to work with the team, but I always got my hackles up when someone told me what to do. When you're in this kind of a situation you have two choices. One is to find a new captain. The other, is to swallow your pride and follow orders. I needed to secure a retirement. So for seven years, I followed orders.

I try to learn from my mistakes. Looking back at it, rather than trying to use my initiative to do a better job, I should have relaxed and taken orders. If you are a crew member, you have the follow orders. One thing, you always have to remember is that time often resolves problems. Be patient, the boss will retire and you may take his place. Who knows, you may even get a boss you actually like working for.

Remember, if you're part of the crew you better understand your captain's language

Based on the book, "A River Worth Riding" by Lynn Marie Sager.

Navigating troubled waters

We have some stormy financial waters ahead. People are worried about their jobs and their ability to pay their mortgage. Some people are paralyzed with fear and anger.

The present financial crisis hasn't been seen since the Great Depression. Pres. Obama may be able to spread some oil on troubled waters, but even the most optimistic experts expect the storm to last a year or more.

There is nothing we can do about this financial mess, but, we can chart a course to minimize the danger. We need to batten down our hatches and trim our sails in order to weather this storm.

The most important thing is to pay off your credit cards. Focus on the card with the lowest balance first. If all your cards are maxed out, focus on the card with the highest interest. Second, when you get one card paid off take the money you were paying on the first card and add it to the payment you been making on the second card. That way you will be able to pay down the second card as fast as possible. Repeat the process for every card until you've got your credit cards under control.

You may have to take a second job in order to accomplish your goal. But, your choice is to bail out your boat or swamp. There is nothing you can do about the external forces causing this storm, but with smart planning you can weather it. If your boat winds up on the rocks, bankruptcy is a last resort. But, even then, remember that you can build another boat and you can control your course.

You are the master of your ship. Never ignore a debt you cannot pay. Face the lender straight on and negotiate a payment you can handle. Beware of late payments. Credit card companies are ruthless when it comes to increasing interest rates and tacking on late fees. If you simply stop paying on a credit card, late fees can amount to thousands of dollars.

When faced with a crisis, you must make a decision to take control. If you don’t steer you craft, the current can carry you into the worst of whirlpools.

Get resourceful. Face your fear and plot a course that will carry you through.

Overcome fear by getting physical. Exercise will not only make your stronger but it is also a great stress reliever. Some of your best ideas will come during a long run. Get in there and row your boat. It will make you stronger in mind and spirit.

Remember the rule of entropy. Use it or loose it. Feed your mind. The book, Navigating Life, is a good place to start. Read about successful people and how they overcame diversity.

If you loose your job, there is no shame. The only shame is in quitting.

Divide a page of paper in half. On the left side write down all the things you like to do. On the right side write everything you hate to do. How does your job stack up? Many people who suddenly found themselves without a job have gone on to find work they feel is really rewarding. Others have started their own businesses.

A business of your own can have enormous tax advantages even if you only pursue it part time while you keep your day job.

People have survived terrible adversity by focusing on the good things in their life. Develop a plan to succeed. Find a mentor who has done what you want to do and model your life on what has worked for others. A river guide knows from experience where to place his kayak to be able to shoot through a rapid. You'll be wize to follow his expample.

Visualize what you want on the river of life and develop a plan to get there. If your plans are not working, pull up to the bank and take time to figure out how to adjust your course and get back on the track to success.