A problem is only a problem if you can do something about it. Otherwise it's a fact of life, so you might as well get over it.

The biggest frustrations encountered on the river usually manifest when we attempt to change how people respond to us. We can’t change people into what they’re not. However, the moment we stop trying to change people, we begin finding the energy to change ourselves. And when we begin to change ourselves, we automatically change the circumstances wherein we find ourselves. We waste so much energy focused on the wrong end of problems.

Stop fixing problems. You can’t fix problems. Problems are effects. They are the natural result of something that was done to cause them. Change the cause of a problem, and the problem will take care of itself.

What causes problems? Failure to persuade; failure to communicate; misunderstanding; fear; doubt; blame; unwanted advice; expecting people to change for your reasons; misinterpreting cause and effect; not understanding the rules of the river.

When you learn to fix the cause of a problem, you will fix that problem’s effect.

Of course, there is a catch. This rule only helps you to solve problems if you can determine where your actions contribute to those problems. Any problem that you can’t influence by your actions is not your problem. Any problem that you can’t influence by your actions is a fact of life, so you might as well get over it.

In other words, “Why doesn’t so-and-so love me?” is not your problem. While, “Why am I letting this situation affect me so much?” is your problem.

“Nobody listens to me,” is not your problem. While, “How can I explain this so people will want to listen?” is your problem.

What other people think, say, or do is not your problem. While what you think, say, or do is your problem.

Can you see the difference?

The only way to change something is to change the cause of that something. So if you want to affect the river, you need to keep peeling away at the causes of things until you find a cause for which you’re responsible and then find a way to affect that cause. Only then will your actions be worthwhile.