The Power of Indirect Action

Mind your tiller or meet the rocks

You can control your boat, but you can't control the river. You may be a able to influence other boats on the river, but if you try to force another boat to do what you want you may both end up getting swamped.

The power of the indirect effort says, we cannot change your view river we can only change ourselves.. But, the moment we plot a course, we gain control of the river.

You can't rise above the river, but you can use its currents to our advantage. Have you ever noticed that violence begets violence? In martial arts were taught to use the energy of the attacker to defeat the attack.

If someone criticizes you, do you fight back? Is better to evaluate the criticism and apply a course correction where it helps you guide your boat. If your boat is fine, don't fix what isn't broken. Most criticism will be well intended, but it probably won't be helpful. So forget about what people think and set your own course.

There's a flipside of that of course. You can shout at the other boats on the river, but unless they want your advice. They will ignore you. Don't offer advice unless you are asked for it.

We get what we want from the river, indirectly. It's called leadership. Set a good example, understand where you want to go and people who believe in you will follow. Just remember that the course you set, will depend on the course others you admire have set for themselves. If an experienced water man successfully negotiates the rapids, you'd be wise to follow the course already set.

Unconditional love, can be the most important thing in our lives. That doesn't mean we'll give an alcoholic drink just because he wants it. It does mean, we will offer our support for his efforts to control his boat on the river. When people begin to trust the river and their own skills to master it,they may look for the roughest white-water they can find and enjoy the thrill of being able to master the torrents. Just be sure you don't underestimate the river or over estimate your skills. When a kayaker gets flipped, the most important skill he has is the ability to right himself. Consider failure a learning experience, know how to recover when you need to and seek the rivers next challenge.

Stop worrying about things you can't control on the river. The river is not meant to be controlled; it's meant to be ridden. So sit back, and enjoy your ride.

Neighbors can rock your boat

I have a neighbor who is giving my wife a hard time. Nancy wants plants on our fence, not only because they're pretty, but because it helps to block our view of our neighbor’s messy yard. Over the years, the flower boxes kept getting knocked off the fence. I figured a cat was doing the damage, so wired the boxes to the fence to prevent an animal from knocking them off. Recently, the planter was knocked off the wall again. I realized it was our neighbor who was doing the damage.

Nancy had been watering the plants using the hose. Our neighbor objects to water sprinkling on his side of the fence. Recently, he has been cursing Nancy when she tries to water the plants.

Now, I don't take kindly to anyone who is impolite or rude to my wife, and I know this man as a wife beater and bully. I tried to tell him that his behavior was inappropriate, and if he couldn't be polite to my wife he should ignore her and talk to me. He proceeded to scream, holler and cursed at me.

Now, I figure he's a lonely, sad old man floating in a very rocky boat. His attitude is creating some very serious rapids in our lives.

Obviously, I couldn't communicate with him while he was screaming at me, so I simply wrote him a letter telling him that his behavior was unacceptable. But, we can continue to be good neighbors if we just treat each other politely.

In this case, we definitely were not speaking the same language; sure, we were both speaking English, but we weren't understanding each other. In this case, a letter documenting what I expected and what I will do to mitigate his complaints was probably the best way of communicating.

I can't control his boat. I can only control my own. I had to look at the causes and effects of our problem. Nancy wants plants on our wall and she gets water on his side of the fence when she waters her plants. He objects to water coming onto his property.

What to do? First, I bought Nancy a hose and a watering wand that will give her more control. The objective is to minimize any sprinkles that might get on my neighbor's side of the fence. I also built a couple of flower planter boxes that will be very difficult for him to knock off the fence. I designed the boxes with a splash back that should keep water from his side of the fence.

I've done my best to eliminate the cause of his anger. Now, our path on the river is up to him. Our river can flow smoothly, or he can whip it into dangerous rapids.

I've tried to apply two rules for navigating life. Rule one says, look to your own boat; understand cause and effect and trim your boat to handle whatever the river throws at you. Rule two says, if you want to communicate you have to speak the same language. Even if you are speaking the same language, you're not communicating unless everyone is willing to listen. Sometimes the best way of communicating is to put what you want to say in writing. Just be sure that what you say is positive and does not contain a threat. Threats, put in writing, can have serious legal consequences.