A few of my visitors have expressed trouble finding the tables on personality mention in my recent internet article, so I wanted to post a direct link here. www.navigatinglife.org/differentstrokesfordifferentfolks
Once there, you will find links on the top of the page which take you to the different personality tables.
Hope it helps...
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
A few words on advice...
One of my favorite moments in Alexandre Dumas's Three Musketeers, or was it Twenty Years After, is when Athos essentially tells D'Artagnan, "I make it a policy to never give advice unless someone asks for it three times. Even then they seldom want, or heed it."
Such good advice to those who love to give advice...
Here is what A River Worth Riding advises about offering advice:
Offering advice, when advice has not been specifically asked for, creates frustration and animosity between people. The dreaded phrase, “Well, if I were you, I would…” will more likely cause eyes to roll than hearts to open. Remember: You are not me. You do not know everything about me. So you do not need to offer me your advice, unless I ask for that advice, regarding what you would do if you were me. Keep your advice to yourself, and I promise to give you the same courtesy.
Such good advice to those who love to give advice...
Here is what A River Worth Riding advises about offering advice:
Offering advice, when advice has not been specifically asked for, creates frustration and animosity between people. The dreaded phrase, “Well, if I were you, I would…” will more likely cause eyes to roll than hearts to open. Remember: You are not me. You do not know everything about me. So you do not need to offer me your advice, unless I ask for that advice, regarding what you would do if you were me. Keep your advice to yourself, and I promise to give you the same courtesy.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
What is your moral compass?
Your compass is your conscience. Your sense of right and wrong. Your ability to make choices, and your ability to live with your choices without making excuses for yourself, or assigning blame.
Nevil Shute, one of the finest novelists of the twentieth century, wrote a book called Round the Bend. In the book, his protagonist recounts a fable about Moses and Mohammed. This fable has haunted me since I first read it at the age of twelve.
The fable begins with Moses and his journey up the mountain, where he is asked by God to have his people pray fifty times a day. This request is quickly seen as unrealistic, what with the golden calf and all, so God relents and simply asks that his people keep the Sabbath holy. A few thousand years later, Mohammed has his own version of that conversation on the mountain, where he is asked by God to have his people pray fifty time a day. As he returns from his journey, Mohammed meets Moses, and after discussing God’s request, Mohammed is convinced by Moses to return to God and ask for an easier burden. Again, God relents, and this time requires that his people only pray five time a day. At this point in the fable, the storyteller turns to his audience and asks, “But what if we did pray fifty times a day? What if every time we completed a task, we simply prayed, ‘Have I done well?’ If we did,” concludes the storyteller, “We could easily fulfill God’s request for fifty prayers each day.”
Well, I tried it. I was twelve years old; I’d just finished reading the story; my mother asked me to clean the kitchen; and I decided to try it. I washed one dish, then I prayed, “Have I done well?” An amazing thing happened. I felt an answer. I clearly knew that I had done well. After washing each dish, I prayed again. Each time I prayed, I knew instantly whether I had done well, or whether I hadn’t. And by the time I finished cleaning that kitchen, it gleamed.
We all have the gift of conscience; we just forget to listen to it.
Nevil Shute, one of the finest novelists of the twentieth century, wrote a book called Round the Bend. In the book, his protagonist recounts a fable about Moses and Mohammed. This fable has haunted me since I first read it at the age of twelve.
The fable begins with Moses and his journey up the mountain, where he is asked by God to have his people pray fifty times a day. This request is quickly seen as unrealistic, what with the golden calf and all, so God relents and simply asks that his people keep the Sabbath holy. A few thousand years later, Mohammed has his own version of that conversation on the mountain, where he is asked by God to have his people pray fifty time a day. As he returns from his journey, Mohammed meets Moses, and after discussing God’s request, Mohammed is convinced by Moses to return to God and ask for an easier burden. Again, God relents, and this time requires that his people only pray five time a day. At this point in the fable, the storyteller turns to his audience and asks, “But what if we did pray fifty times a day? What if every time we completed a task, we simply prayed, ‘Have I done well?’ If we did,” concludes the storyteller, “We could easily fulfill God’s request for fifty prayers each day.”
Well, I tried it. I was twelve years old; I’d just finished reading the story; my mother asked me to clean the kitchen; and I decided to try it. I washed one dish, then I prayed, “Have I done well?” An amazing thing happened. I felt an answer. I clearly knew that I had done well. After washing each dish, I prayed again. Each time I prayed, I knew instantly whether I had done well, or whether I hadn’t. And by the time I finished cleaning that kitchen, it gleamed.
We all have the gift of conscience; we just forget to listen to it.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Action and Control
I have been a proud member of navigating life for little bit over a year now. Let me first start out by writing that I have come to realize that even when I make mistakes, I am human. When I came to understand and accept my mistakes, it made my life a little easier to understand and made me accept the people around me better
As for what I'm working on this week, building a loyal crew and having a solid rudder. I'm slowly learning that you build your life around no one, and criticism should not matter. In my case, my father was my best friend. He was my boss. I worked and saw him at home. You get used to having certain people and circumstances in your life. When he passed, my world was turn up side down with depression. Addictions took over for a long time.
I have realized that no matter how depressed you get, no matter how much you drink, you are never going to bring back anyone you love. Instead, you need to go back to the principles that matter. Principles like the ones my dad taught me.
My dad always said, “Never give up, work hard, go school, and always be of service when you can.†His teachings, and what I have learned through the fourteen rules, have made a tremendous in pact on my life both professionally and personally. The power of focus and goal setting is something that is a must. It truly is amazing when you sit down and you write down your goals. When you take action on your goals on a daily basis, you truly get somewhere. Without an accurate map, you will never known where you want to go on the river.
Tony Perez
As for what I'm working on this week, building a loyal crew and having a solid rudder. I'm slowly learning that you build your life around no one, and criticism should not matter. In my case, my father was my best friend. He was my boss. I worked and saw him at home. You get used to having certain people and circumstances in your life. When he passed, my world was turn up side down with depression. Addictions took over for a long time.
I have realized that no matter how depressed you get, no matter how much you drink, you are never going to bring back anyone you love. Instead, you need to go back to the principles that matter. Principles like the ones my dad taught me.
My dad always said, “Never give up, work hard, go school, and always be of service when you can.†His teachings, and what I have learned through the fourteen rules, have made a tremendous in pact on my life both professionally and personally. The power of focus and goal setting is something that is a must. It truly is amazing when you sit down and you write down your goals. When you take action on your goals on a daily basis, you truly get somewhere. Without an accurate map, you will never known where you want to go on the river.
Tony Perez
What causes a messy kitchen?
Not cleaning up the mess as you go along.
What causes a messy life?
Not facing life’s circumstances as you go along.
Perhaps the most important lesson that parents can teach their children is the connection between picking up after themselves and the quality of their lives. But how many parents actually believe that principle themselves and have made a habit of picking up their own messes? Children learn from what we do, not from what we say.
One study, by the Josephson Institute of Ethics in Marina Del Rey, showed that 72 percent of all high school students surveyed believed that people needed to cheat in order to succeed in life. These students also admitted to cheating on their tests and actually seemed proud of their cheating skills. What caused these students to have such a strange view of success? What caused them to have such a warped view of the river? What caused people to stop valuing integrity and start valuing manipulation? How can we change that cause before it’s too late?
Did you know that when you change what people value, you often change how they behave? And strangely enough, people tend to value what other people admire. People tend to repeat and emulate the actions that bring them admiration, attention, acceptance, or approval. So what does this study suggest that we, as a nation, have been rewarding with our attention, acceptance, approval and admiration?
Have you ever asked your children how they define success, or power? Do you think that they know the difference between respect born from love and respect born from fear? Do you know the difference? Which do you think your children believe is more powerful—fear, or love? Which do you think is more powerful? Why? What caused you to believe what you do?
What causes guilt? Guilt is that feeling you get when you know that you have done something wrong. Guilt, used wisely, can keep you from making the same wrong choice twice. But people can also use your guilt to manipulate you because uncertainty and doubt often accompany guilt. People can use your guilt and your doubts against you whenever you are unclear about who you are, what you value, or why you make the choices that you do.
Above the entrance to the Greek Oracle of Delphi, a stoneworker once carved the words, “know thyself.” These words express the greatest advice ever given to mankind. If you don’t know who you are and what you value, then every action you take will seem doubtful. But when you finally do know yourself—when you do know who you are, when you do know what you value, and when you do know what you were meant to contribute to the river—then you will finally be able to stop defending your life, and you will finally be able to start living it.
What causes a messy life?
Not facing life’s circumstances as you go along.
Perhaps the most important lesson that parents can teach their children is the connection between picking up after themselves and the quality of their lives. But how many parents actually believe that principle themselves and have made a habit of picking up their own messes? Children learn from what we do, not from what we say.
One study, by the Josephson Institute of Ethics in Marina Del Rey, showed that 72 percent of all high school students surveyed believed that people needed to cheat in order to succeed in life. These students also admitted to cheating on their tests and actually seemed proud of their cheating skills. What caused these students to have such a strange view of success? What caused them to have such a warped view of the river? What caused people to stop valuing integrity and start valuing manipulation? How can we change that cause before it’s too late?
Did you know that when you change what people value, you often change how they behave? And strangely enough, people tend to value what other people admire. People tend to repeat and emulate the actions that bring them admiration, attention, acceptance, or approval. So what does this study suggest that we, as a nation, have been rewarding with our attention, acceptance, approval and admiration?
Have you ever asked your children how they define success, or power? Do you think that they know the difference between respect born from love and respect born from fear? Do you know the difference? Which do you think your children believe is more powerful—fear, or love? Which do you think is more powerful? Why? What caused you to believe what you do?
What causes guilt? Guilt is that feeling you get when you know that you have done something wrong. Guilt, used wisely, can keep you from making the same wrong choice twice. But people can also use your guilt to manipulate you because uncertainty and doubt often accompany guilt. People can use your guilt and your doubts against you whenever you are unclear about who you are, what you value, or why you make the choices that you do.
Above the entrance to the Greek Oracle of Delphi, a stoneworker once carved the words, “know thyself.” These words express the greatest advice ever given to mankind. If you don’t know who you are and what you value, then every action you take will seem doubtful. But when you finally do know yourself—when you do know who you are, when you do know what you value, and when you do know what you were meant to contribute to the river—then you will finally be able to stop defending your life, and you will finally be able to start living it.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
A problem is only a problem if you can do something about it. Otherwise it's a fact of life, so you might as well get over it.
The biggest frustrations encountered on the river usually manifest when we attempt to change how people respond to us. We can’t change people into what they’re not. However, the moment we stop trying to change people, we begin finding the energy to change ourselves. And when we begin to change ourselves, we automatically change the circumstances wherein we find ourselves. We waste so much energy focused on the wrong end of problems.
Stop fixing problems. You can’t fix problems. Problems are effects. They are the natural result of something that was done to cause them. Change the cause of a problem, and the problem will take care of itself.
What causes problems? Failure to persuade; failure to communicate; misunderstanding; fear; doubt; blame; unwanted advice; expecting people to change for your reasons; misinterpreting cause and effect; not understanding the rules of the river.
When you learn to fix the cause of a problem, you will fix that problem’s effect.
Of course, there is a catch. This rule only helps you to solve problems if you can determine where your actions contribute to those problems. Any problem that you can’t influence by your actions is not your problem. Any problem that you can’t influence by your actions is a fact of life, so you might as well get over it.
In other words, “Why doesn’t so-and-so love me?” is not your problem. While, “Why am I letting this situation affect me so much?” is your problem.
“Nobody listens to me,” is not your problem. While, “How can I explain this so people will want to listen?” is your problem.
What other people think, say, or do is not your problem. While what you think, say, or do is your problem.
Can you see the difference?
The only way to change something is to change the cause of that something. So if you want to affect the river, you need to keep peeling away at the causes of things until you find a cause for which you’re responsible and then find a way to affect that cause. Only then will your actions be worthwhile.
Stop fixing problems. You can’t fix problems. Problems are effects. They are the natural result of something that was done to cause them. Change the cause of a problem, and the problem will take care of itself.
What causes problems? Failure to persuade; failure to communicate; misunderstanding; fear; doubt; blame; unwanted advice; expecting people to change for your reasons; misinterpreting cause and effect; not understanding the rules of the river.
When you learn to fix the cause of a problem, you will fix that problem’s effect.
Of course, there is a catch. This rule only helps you to solve problems if you can determine where your actions contribute to those problems. Any problem that you can’t influence by your actions is not your problem. Any problem that you can’t influence by your actions is a fact of life, so you might as well get over it.
In other words, “Why doesn’t so-and-so love me?” is not your problem. While, “Why am I letting this situation affect me so much?” is your problem.
“Nobody listens to me,” is not your problem. While, “How can I explain this so people will want to listen?” is your problem.
What other people think, say, or do is not your problem. While what you think, say, or do is your problem.
Can you see the difference?
The only way to change something is to change the cause of that something. So if you want to affect the river, you need to keep peeling away at the causes of things until you find a cause for which you’re responsible and then find a way to affect that cause. Only then will your actions be worthwhile.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Have trouble keeping New Year's resolutions?
If so, then before you embark on any resolutions, be sure they are MASTERed goals.
What are MASTERed goals?
MASTER goal setting is Navigating Life's variation of a technique picked up while attending a time management seminar. This technique is deceptively simple, yet profoundly effective. I urge you to try it as soon as possible.
To create MASTERed goals, you must create goals that are:
Measurable—set an amount and a deadline.
Accountable—make sure that you are personally responsiblefor the outcome.
Specific—make it a specific action.
Timely—give yourself enough time, but not too much time.
Exciting—make it positive; make it something you really want.Goals should never feel like punishments.
Realistic—don’t ask yourself for super-human strength.
Whenever you set goals that are not MASTERed, you set yourself up for failure.
I’m always amazed at how often people set goals like, “I want to lose weight,” “I want to get healthy,” “I need to find a job,” “I need to be more responsible,” “I want to be a better parent,” “I want my boss to respect me,” or “I want to get rich.”
Do they sound familiar?
These goals are immeasurable, unaccountable, vague, rushed, unexciting and unrealistic. So is it any wonder that they don’t help people accomplish anything? If you want goal setting to work for you, you need to learn the art of MASTER goal setting.
Let’s take the goal, “I’m gonna throw out all of my junk,” as an example. That’s a typical goal for a lot of people. Well, throwing out all of your junk is not something you can possibly accomplish. No matter how much you try, junk will always reappear. Throwing out all of your junk is an objective, not a goal. In order to accomplish that objective, you need to set a MASTERed goal. Something like, “I’m gonna toss out ten things every day, until I finally get the clean drawers I want.” Throwing out ten items every day is easily accomplished. It’s measurable, accountable, specific, timely, exciting and realistic. Moreover, performing this MASTER goal daily should eventually help you to gain your objective, which was to clean out your junk.
How about another typical goal; losing thirty pounds? Have you ever gone on a diet with the goal of loosing thirty pounds, done everything right and lost three pounds the first week, only to find that the following week—even though you still did every thing right—you’ve plateaued and lost nothing? If so, you know the frustration of doing everything right and still letting yourself down. Considering your disappointment in yourself, is it any wonder that you drown your sorrows in ice cream?
I’m here to tell you that your problem isn’t you. Your problem is how you define your goals. You have absolutely no control over how you metabolize calories. Your body is going to metabolize whatever it metabolizes. The only thing that you can control is what you put into your mouth and how you spend your time.
In other words, you can’t force your body to lose pounds; however, you can learn to make healthier choices. That being the case, maybe learning to make healthier choices is the goal you need to MASTER. So instead of imposing an overwhelming goal like “losing thirty pounds,” your MASTERed goals might be to “drink a liter of water everyday, take a daily walk, and eat five ounces of fresh produce daily.” I mean, let’s face it, if you drank a liter of water, took a walk and ate five helpings of fresh produce everyday, you would be healthier. Moreover, your success would not depend upon your ability to metabolize calories.
The point that I’m trying to make is that unless you create goals that you can actually accomplish every time, you are only going to disappoint yourself eventually. MASTERed goals are always possible. MASTERed goals allow you to progressively realize your objectives. For every objective that you have, you should create a matching MASTERed goal.The table linked here provides a list of common objectives along side their corresponding MASTERed goals. It should help demonstrate what I mean. As you look at the table, please notice that MASTERed goals are achievable. They may not achieve their objective each time, but at least you can keep the goal. At least you can keep the promise that you made to yourself.
If your strategy fails to work, then you can always change your strategy. But unless you develop the habit of setting MASTERed goals, you will not ever achieve your goals. So learn to keep your goals measurable, accountable, specific, timely, exciting and realistic; or don’t set goals at all. Nothing destroys your self-esteem faster than breaking a promise to yourself, and that is exactly what you do every time you fail to meet a goal.
What are MASTERed goals?
MASTER goal setting is Navigating Life's variation of a technique picked up while attending a time management seminar. This technique is deceptively simple, yet profoundly effective. I urge you to try it as soon as possible.
To create MASTERed goals, you must create goals that are:
Measurable—set an amount and a deadline.
Accountable—make sure that you are personally responsiblefor the outcome.
Specific—make it a specific action.
Timely—give yourself enough time, but not too much time.
Exciting—make it positive; make it something you really want.Goals should never feel like punishments.
Realistic—don’t ask yourself for super-human strength.
Whenever you set goals that are not MASTERed, you set yourself up for failure.
I’m always amazed at how often people set goals like, “I want to lose weight,” “I want to get healthy,” “I need to find a job,” “I need to be more responsible,” “I want to be a better parent,” “I want my boss to respect me,” or “I want to get rich.”
Do they sound familiar?
These goals are immeasurable, unaccountable, vague, rushed, unexciting and unrealistic. So is it any wonder that they don’t help people accomplish anything? If you want goal setting to work for you, you need to learn the art of MASTER goal setting.
Let’s take the goal, “I’m gonna throw out all of my junk,” as an example. That’s a typical goal for a lot of people. Well, throwing out all of your junk is not something you can possibly accomplish. No matter how much you try, junk will always reappear. Throwing out all of your junk is an objective, not a goal. In order to accomplish that objective, you need to set a MASTERed goal. Something like, “I’m gonna toss out ten things every day, until I finally get the clean drawers I want.” Throwing out ten items every day is easily accomplished. It’s measurable, accountable, specific, timely, exciting and realistic. Moreover, performing this MASTER goal daily should eventually help you to gain your objective, which was to clean out your junk.
How about another typical goal; losing thirty pounds? Have you ever gone on a diet with the goal of loosing thirty pounds, done everything right and lost three pounds the first week, only to find that the following week—even though you still did every thing right—you’ve plateaued and lost nothing? If so, you know the frustration of doing everything right and still letting yourself down. Considering your disappointment in yourself, is it any wonder that you drown your sorrows in ice cream?
I’m here to tell you that your problem isn’t you. Your problem is how you define your goals. You have absolutely no control over how you metabolize calories. Your body is going to metabolize whatever it metabolizes. The only thing that you can control is what you put into your mouth and how you spend your time.
In other words, you can’t force your body to lose pounds; however, you can learn to make healthier choices. That being the case, maybe learning to make healthier choices is the goal you need to MASTER. So instead of imposing an overwhelming goal like “losing thirty pounds,” your MASTERed goals might be to “drink a liter of water everyday, take a daily walk, and eat five ounces of fresh produce daily.” I mean, let’s face it, if you drank a liter of water, took a walk and ate five helpings of fresh produce everyday, you would be healthier. Moreover, your success would not depend upon your ability to metabolize calories.
The point that I’m trying to make is that unless you create goals that you can actually accomplish every time, you are only going to disappoint yourself eventually. MASTERed goals are always possible. MASTERed goals allow you to progressively realize your objectives. For every objective that you have, you should create a matching MASTERed goal.The table linked here provides a list of common objectives along side their corresponding MASTERed goals. It should help demonstrate what I mean. As you look at the table, please notice that MASTERed goals are achievable. They may not achieve their objective each time, but at least you can keep the goal. At least you can keep the promise that you made to yourself.
If your strategy fails to work, then you can always change your strategy. But unless you develop the habit of setting MASTERed goals, you will not ever achieve your goals. So learn to keep your goals measurable, accountable, specific, timely, exciting and realistic; or don’t set goals at all. Nothing destroys your self-esteem faster than breaking a promise to yourself, and that is exactly what you do every time you fail to meet a goal.
Friends
These are just thoughts. Last night I had one of the best times ever with one of my dearest friends who I got to know while going to school in New York. We laughed all night. Non stop. It was one the of best feelings I had in a long time. Living in LA now, for, going on eight months now, its been quit lonely. Its really been a life test for me out here; people that I thought i knew, people that I thought I could count on; not being there. I was really happy to know that last night, i could look at my wonderful dear friend Amanda and know that we'll stay friends no matter how often we see each other, how far apart we are, its made me happy to know that shes a "lifer" a lifetime friend that i know i can count on because i now know in LA there isn't alot of that here. But i guess its all apart of growing, everyone here in LA pretty much thinks about themselves, so when they say they are doing you a favor they really aren't, when your willing to be helpful, they'll take advantage of you. But i just have to keep my wits about me, not dwell on the sad negative side of things, and just know that there is good out there and people i can still trust, and I know that I am the only one i can truely depend on...
again, these are just thoughts.
again, these are just thoughts.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
What is love?
What's love.
A friend's son is thinking about getting married and asked me how you can tell if you’re in love.
The flip answer is listen to your heart, but that's not much help because your heart doesn't know the difference between infatuation and love. I don't believe in love at first sight. True, that electric spark between two people can put a spark in love. It can help you know a person is one you want to be with, but good love grows over time.
Love is learned as you get to know and become committed to a person. Love is not sex, but sex without love is simply a physical exercise. Sex with love can be glorious. Love means you're willing to commit your life to the other person. You want to be with the person and care for that person. It means you're willing to sacrifice your life, if it becomes necessary.
Love is about relationships.
Its commitment
its respect
its trust
it is the desire to help your partner be the best they can be.
That is why infidelity is so devastating. It destroys trust and respect and it puts your partner at risk of disease. Violence has no place in a marriage. If you mate tries to dominate you, either mentally or physically, it is time to take you boat and plot a new course.
Respect is the basis for any positive relationship. When there is mutual respect in a relationship there is room for a couple to grow together and for them to each grow as individuals.
On the river of life, if you choose to join your boat to another, two boats can expand you horizons and be more stable in a storm. When you pull up for the night, making camp together can be easier and more fun. But, ultimately, you are responsible for your own boat and for choosing your own safe course through a rapid.
A friend's son is thinking about getting married and asked me how you can tell if you’re in love.
The flip answer is listen to your heart, but that's not much help because your heart doesn't know the difference between infatuation and love. I don't believe in love at first sight. True, that electric spark between two people can put a spark in love. It can help you know a person is one you want to be with, but good love grows over time.
Love is learned as you get to know and become committed to a person. Love is not sex, but sex without love is simply a physical exercise. Sex with love can be glorious. Love means you're willing to commit your life to the other person. You want to be with the person and care for that person. It means you're willing to sacrifice your life, if it becomes necessary.
Love is about relationships.
Its commitment
its respect
its trust
it is the desire to help your partner be the best they can be.
That is why infidelity is so devastating. It destroys trust and respect and it puts your partner at risk of disease. Violence has no place in a marriage. If you mate tries to dominate you, either mentally or physically, it is time to take you boat and plot a new course.
Respect is the basis for any positive relationship. When there is mutual respect in a relationship there is room for a couple to grow together and for them to each grow as individuals.
On the river of life, if you choose to join your boat to another, two boats can expand you horizons and be more stable in a storm. When you pull up for the night, making camp together can be easier and more fun. But, ultimately, you are responsible for your own boat and for choosing your own safe course through a rapid.
Tony, I am posting you a reminder of this week's assignment...
You need a solid achor
Your anchor is what you value. Even more, your anchor is the value that you place upon yourself. It affects your ability to make difficult decisions and to like yourself even when others express disapproval. It allows you to stand-up for what you believe, despite others believing differently.
Too often, we anchor ourselves to people, or circumstances. The result is usually chaos.
Consider what happens when people anchor themselves to their mates. Let’s say, for example, that you’ve just met someone who stimulates your mind and makes you feel alive in ways you haven’t felt in years, so you decide to anchor your lives together. You begin to see yourself as part of a team. You make every decision together. Everything goes swimmingly, until your rudder gets caught in their anchor. Suddenly, your decisions collide. Your perspectives alter. Your likelihood of success is based upon the whims of someone else. If the person to whom you’re anchored can’t move, you can’t move. When they go down, you go down.
And what happens if that person isn’t there any more? What happens to you if you’ve attached yourself to someone who abruptly disappears? Suddenly, you’re cast adrift on a river totally unfamiliar to you. Your fear-mechanisms may kick in. You may get depressed. You may want to drink, or eat your way back into comfort. You may even get involved with the first person you meet because you can’t stand riding the river alone.
Without a solid anchor, you drift about on circumstance. Without a solid anchor, you have no way to weather squalls. If you want your boat to outlast tempests, you need an anchor that won’t change from day to day. People do not make the best anchors because it is the nature of people to change. Circumstances do not make the best anchors because it is the nature of circumstances to alter.
So what does stand firm even in the most violent weather? What does hold fast no matter what life tosses towards you?
Ideals are the only things on the river that don’t change. Ideals make excellent anchors.
Think about the ideal of fairness. Did you ever say, “That’s not fair,” when you were young? Whenever I pose this question in class, nearly everyone raises their hand. Every child seems to understand the difference between fair and unfair, and they seem to expect fairness—until some adult tells them that life isn’t fair and they learn to believe it.
The curious thing is that we all know fairness when we see. The ideal of fairness is a constant that never changes. So if you were to steer your life towards fairness, you would always know which way to steer. If you were to anchor your life on fairness, you might actually begin to find fair. You could also anchor yourself to integrity, truth, dignity, justice, service, quality, excellence, kindness, joy, humility, compassion, or any ideal you choose.
Your ideals do not move with circumstance. No matter what the tempests around you conceal, truth is truth, and you’ll always know truth when you see it. Truth is a good place to set your anchor. Truth is a good way to steer your course. You may not always experience these ideals with others, but you will know each ideal when you see it, and you will know which way to steer. You will know when you have not lived up to your ideal. You will know when you have let yourself down.
Discover the ideals for which you stand—in the same way that America stands for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Integrate your ideals into your purpose and your choices, so that the next time the river tosses you into a whirlpool, you’ll be able to make your decisions based upon something you value. You’ll be secure in knowing that you’ve chosen the best possible response to your current circumstances.
When you base your choices upon the ideals you value, you begin to trust your choices and to find the strength to follow through on your actions. You begin to act decisively because you’re decisions aren’t affected by what other people say, think, or do. They’re based on a solid anchor, rather than on some opinion of the moment.
Your anchor is what you value. Even more, your anchor is the value that you place upon yourself. It affects your ability to make difficult decisions and to like yourself even when others express disapproval. It allows you to stand-up for what you believe, despite others believing differently.
Too often, we anchor ourselves to people, or circumstances. The result is usually chaos.
Consider what happens when people anchor themselves to their mates. Let’s say, for example, that you’ve just met someone who stimulates your mind and makes you feel alive in ways you haven’t felt in years, so you decide to anchor your lives together. You begin to see yourself as part of a team. You make every decision together. Everything goes swimmingly, until your rudder gets caught in their anchor. Suddenly, your decisions collide. Your perspectives alter. Your likelihood of success is based upon the whims of someone else. If the person to whom you’re anchored can’t move, you can’t move. When they go down, you go down.
And what happens if that person isn’t there any more? What happens to you if you’ve attached yourself to someone who abruptly disappears? Suddenly, you’re cast adrift on a river totally unfamiliar to you. Your fear-mechanisms may kick in. You may get depressed. You may want to drink, or eat your way back into comfort. You may even get involved with the first person you meet because you can’t stand riding the river alone.
Without a solid anchor, you drift about on circumstance. Without a solid anchor, you have no way to weather squalls. If you want your boat to outlast tempests, you need an anchor that won’t change from day to day. People do not make the best anchors because it is the nature of people to change. Circumstances do not make the best anchors because it is the nature of circumstances to alter.
So what does stand firm even in the most violent weather? What does hold fast no matter what life tosses towards you?
Ideals are the only things on the river that don’t change. Ideals make excellent anchors.
Think about the ideal of fairness. Did you ever say, “That’s not fair,” when you were young? Whenever I pose this question in class, nearly everyone raises their hand. Every child seems to understand the difference between fair and unfair, and they seem to expect fairness—until some adult tells them that life isn’t fair and they learn to believe it.
The curious thing is that we all know fairness when we see. The ideal of fairness is a constant that never changes. So if you were to steer your life towards fairness, you would always know which way to steer. If you were to anchor your life on fairness, you might actually begin to find fair. You could also anchor yourself to integrity, truth, dignity, justice, service, quality, excellence, kindness, joy, humility, compassion, or any ideal you choose.
Your ideals do not move with circumstance. No matter what the tempests around you conceal, truth is truth, and you’ll always know truth when you see it. Truth is a good place to set your anchor. Truth is a good way to steer your course. You may not always experience these ideals with others, but you will know each ideal when you see it, and you will know which way to steer. You will know when you have not lived up to your ideal. You will know when you have let yourself down.
Discover the ideals for which you stand—in the same way that America stands for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Integrate your ideals into your purpose and your choices, so that the next time the river tosses you into a whirlpool, you’ll be able to make your decisions based upon something you value. You’ll be secure in knowing that you’ve chosen the best possible response to your current circumstances.
When you base your choices upon the ideals you value, you begin to trust your choices and to find the strength to follow through on your actions. You begin to act decisively because you’re decisions aren’t affected by what other people say, think, or do. They’re based on a solid anchor, rather than on some opinion of the moment.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
You can have easy, or you can have worthwhile; but you can't have both.
Which do you prefer: cheap bargains, or fair wages? Pick one because you can’t have both.
Which do you prefer: being healthy, or eating whatever like? Again, you can’t have both.
Which do you prefer: no taxes, or a government that takes care of you? That’s right, you can’t have both.
People find it easy to decide between a good thing and a bad thing. For example, would you prefer that I give you my money, or that I take your money? Whenever I ask this question in class, everyone opts for getting my money. After all, it’s an easy choice.
But how about deciding between two good things, or two bad things?
Do you want me to be nice, or do you want me to be honest? Do you want to fight with me, or do you want me to beat you up? Do you want me to be true to our friendship, or do you want me to be true to myself? Do you want to have an easy life, or do you want to have a worthwhile life?
Questions like these are difficult to answer. We often try to get both, or neither, and we end up getting a mess.
In order to make life’s hardest decisions, you must know what you value. Unless you determine your priorities, your decisions will be as uncertain as your mind, and no decision equals no action.
So which do you prefer: easy or worthwhile? You can’t have both.
Which do you prefer: being healthy, or eating whatever like? Again, you can’t have both.
Which do you prefer: no taxes, or a government that takes care of you? That’s right, you can’t have both.
People find it easy to decide between a good thing and a bad thing. For example, would you prefer that I give you my money, or that I take your money? Whenever I ask this question in class, everyone opts for getting my money. After all, it’s an easy choice.
But how about deciding between two good things, or two bad things?
Do you want me to be nice, or do you want me to be honest? Do you want to fight with me, or do you want me to beat you up? Do you want me to be true to our friendship, or do you want me to be true to myself? Do you want to have an easy life, or do you want to have a worthwhile life?
Questions like these are difficult to answer. We often try to get both, or neither, and we end up getting a mess.
In order to make life’s hardest decisions, you must know what you value. Unless you determine your priorities, your decisions will be as uncertain as your mind, and no decision equals no action.
So which do you prefer: easy or worthwhile? You can’t have both.
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